What they don't tell you before you have kids

If you read the books and magazines you'll always see things about how great it is to be pregnant. That pregnancy is this great time where you are one with your baby and it's a time to bond. Oh, and pregnant women have this glow about them. Let me tell you, it's a lot better not being pregnant. I mean I like being pregnant, but it's really nice not to be pregnant. And I'll tell you why. Today I got to lick out the bowl. You know. I made brownies and then licked out the bowl. I never did that while pregnant because of the uncooked eggs in it. Not that I baked much while pregnant because for most of the pregnancy I either couldn't stand the smell of food or was too tired to cook anything. So that's my point. Much better not to be pregnant. Although I don't know if I should have eaten that because I'm nursing, but I couldn't wait. Which is another thing. Life's better when nursing is done. I was watching a show last night and there were people drinking and that glass of beer looked so good. I almost detached Cordelia and ran to Walmart for formula. Of course it was three in the morning so that might have had something to do with it. I hardly drink, even though I have every reason to drink a lot. No I'm joking. Kind of. But these are the things we do so we can bring beautiful babies into the world. We are sick and/or tired for nine months, followed by months and months of sleepless nights and sore nipples. So magazines and books can dress it up however they want, but let me tell you, being pregnant and nursing is never as glorious as they make it sound. Although it is pretty great.

Cartoon episodes I'd like to see

"Dora's new family"- Dora's parents are charged with child neglect after Social Services discover that Dora often wanders far from home in the jungle and other exotic locales. Dora is sent to live with foster parents and begins seeing a therapist. The therapist tells Dora that there is no such thing as talking monkeys and encourages her to make friends with other children.

"The food chain"- In an all new Go Diego Go kids learn an important lesson about reality when the puma finally gets the tapir.

"Bob's secret"- After reading the bestselling book, Wendy finally realizes Bob the Builder just isn't into her. When the two have a heart to heart she discovers he's more interested in Mr. Ellis.

New baby must haves

1.Lots of onesies and sleepers
2.Desitin
3.DVR
4.Three hands, sometimes four
5. Pizza delivery on speed dial
6. Camera always within reach
7. Extra film and batteries
8. Grandparents nearby

Slept like a baby

The other day I watched "The Greatest Game Ever Played." It was a pretty good movie, I recommend it. Anyway, in one scene a golfer asks another golfer how he slept. He replies, "I slept like a baby... Every two hours I woke up and cried."